I looked down at my phone to silence the incoming call from my brother for the second or third time. “Dude, it can wait,” I thought. Our conversations had recently centered around a girl he liked, and while those are among my top favorite conversations to have with guys - especially my brothers - I was also at church on a Thursday evening for a women’s group and we were in the middle of the lesson.
Then I got the text: “Mom just got admitted to the edmond hospital, heart attack”.
I hardly understood what I was reading. My body seemed to move separately from my mind as I stood, quietly made my way past other women in the row of chairs, and headed for the lobby. As I pushed the door open to walk outside, I remember looking back over my shoulder to see my pastor making his way into the sanctuary I’d just come from. I remember thinking “He’s just heard. He’s going to ask them to pray.” I was right. I later found out that all those women, gathered together as if divinely arranged, did pray right then for my mom.
I kept moving toward my car and thinking how impossible this was. My mom was thin, basically ate spinach like Popeye (among other strange and healthy foods), worked out 3-5x/week, and had absolutely no history of heart problems - not even an occasional high blood pressure. She was essentially a case study for “person least likely to have a heart attack.”
But she did have a heart attack.
We would find out later that it was a spontaneous coronary artery dissection - an extremely rare condition. In 2010, when this all took place, only about 200 cases had been documented since 1931 and while the true prevalence and prognosis remains uncertain today, I know one scientific article stated that it "generally results in death”.
But she didn’t die.
She lost consciousness twice because her heart was insufficiently pumping blood to her brain. Twice her heart had to be shocked back to a normal rhythm. But she didn't die.
I’m still able to call her for recipes, still able to share a silly thought or story with her. She’s one of the few people I can trust with every thought and pain and dream and know that she will always listen to me and love me. I don’t ever want to take that for granted. Life is so precious. And we aren’t in eternity yet, so for now time with each other is precious too.
I believe God chose to spare my mom that night. He chose to heal her and give her to us for awhile longer. I believe my God heals and saves to the uttermost. I believe His goodness does not hinge on doing whatever we want Him to do, whenever we want Him to do it. As my sister said that night, "Thanks all. We had an amazing network of friends who spread the news and prayed so much for my mom tonight. Thank you if you were a part of that group. God's goodness and mercy have been evident, as they would have been if the outcome had been different. I am grateful for the reminder of His greatness."
I cannot command God to save and heal, but I’ve witnessed Him save and heal. He is no genie. He is, however, a good, good Father. The evidence of His existence isn't dependent on performing magic tricks or Him bowing to my every whim. I do see evidence of Him in pouring out love and creating purpose out of chaos.
Few times have I felt so loved as when my family and I went through my mom’s heart attack. The immediacy of texts from people I hadn’t heard from in awhile, including those out of state, as well as the physical presence of our church loving us in word and deed - cleaning the house, feeding us, encouraging us - all reflected the love of our Father.
And sometimes He heals.
And sometimes He heals.
My hope is healing. My hope is that deeper and greater love will be the outcome of every trial and disappointment. Most confidently though, my hope is in a loving Father who has never failed me.
Hope with me?
